Second time around

So it has been over 4 months since I posted last!  Holy cats!  I am just gonna say it – this 2^nd pregnancy is kicking my butt.  A little bit literally.  My left butt cheek has been killing me for about a month now and I do not know why but it blows the big one.  I was so naïve.  I had such an easy, I would even say, beautiful first pregnancy that I thought this will be a little harder but only because I am chasing a toddler.  Boy am I dumb!  For those of you thinking about jumping into number two (bed), you may not want to read this or you might! 

Let me say I was in slightly better shape this time around.  I was weighing 15lbs less than when I started my last pregnancy.  I thought that would help.  I am sure in some way it is healthier but a human being growing inside you is gonna weigh you down regardless.  I also sit a lot less than I did working through my first pregnancy but chasing a toddler sucks every bit of energy I have.  Oh and did I mention he no longer naps.  Mommy needs naps but not happening in this house.

I ate like a champ first time around.  By that I mean I ate every 2-3 hours.  I felt great too.  This time I am so busy worrying about everyone else that I think I eat about every 4-5 hours and when I feel dizzy I sneak something in quick.  Even right now as I am sitting here with nothing else to do, I am hungry.  But I am too tired, sore, and lazy to get up and find something to eat!

Okay it is time to talk about those beautiful changes in your body during pregnancy.  I toned up a bit after my first pregnancy.  Breastfeeding was an amazing way to lose weight and my son’s desire for me to walk with him and bounce him made him a great personal trainer.  However, when I started to have issues with my second cyst on my ovary I got lazy and depressed, so guess what happened.  Some pounds came back!  Oh well I thought.  But as the pregnancy weight began to start showing up I saw how the second pregnancy looks different.  Oh I have the belly but I also have the flabby flap at the bottom of the belly.  It is not cute or anything that should be photographed.  It is there along with the stretch marks, all of which I have earned.

 

I have to brag that the first time around, I was always able to reach my feet, shave my legs, pretty much do anything for myself.  This time I can reach my feet but it is rough.  I am still shaving my legs but it is so hard and I am thinking about getting in touch with a pharmaceutical company about a pill for the pregnant ladies that stops hair growth.  Think how awesome that would be!  No eyebrow plucking, no shaving the legs, and no magnifying glass mirror searching out all of those new chin hairs that seem to come with pregnancy!  I have really found this time that any sort of bending over to do anything requires a bit of pumping yourself up for and a whole lotta shortness of breath after.

Okay I am only going to share one last sad thing about this second experience but it is a really bad one.  I pee myself.  And we are not just talking about a little tinkle when I sneeze.  I wish.  I do those stupid Kegels and they have let me and my clothing down.  Laugh – pee, sneeze - pee, cough – pee, fart – oh man major pee.  Okay you might think well that is kinda normal right.  Well here it is – the big one I never saw coming.  I lose complete bladder control in the shower!  I am just going about my business and all of the sudden the water gets warmer down my leg and the shame is running through my head.  I can handle a lot of things but peeing in the shower is ridiculous!  I am literally so pissed about this new change!  But what can you do?

But I do have to say there have even been a few things that have been better this time.  I am not spending all of my free time reading about what this baby is growing, getting, or doing today.  Things are a happening in there – good.  I am doing things out here and we will see you shortly.  This has been good for my stress level.  I have been able to wear my engagement ring the entire time so far (my wedding band is ½ a size smaller because I was a fool and now I am lazy) and last time I was only able to wear it 4 months of the pregnancy!  The giant pregnancy underpants (they are so huge we need to call them pants for sure) are too big but they are more comfortable than my regulars so they still win.  But most importantly, getting to watch my son talk to my belly and kiss it are priceless.  He talks about the baby daily.  I know it will be a huge change for all of us but for now he is excited about “his baby” and so are we.  Less than 5 weeks to go!

 

Caring for another person isn't for wimps!

So I really thought, " I can totally care for a toddler while pregnant, all my usual household duties, work part time from home, continue with my jewelry business, get my house really to sell, and blog regularly."  Then reality hit me in the face.  I pretty much feel like I am doing none of it, or at least none of it very successfully.

I have hit my second trimester so that is great but nothing has gotten any easier.  The house is such a disaster and dirty too.  I know what you are thinking, "how dirty is it really, she is a stay at home mom?"  It is dirty I tell you.  The bathroom is regularly cleaned and the kitchen gets its turn but the dusting and vacuuming?   Yeah, I am working on once every two weeks for vacuuming and dusting maybe once a month.  Yes, I said it.

I do work pretty hard on my part time job as we kinda need those dollars.  But since I have been napping when my kiddo naps, I end up working at night.  This has meant no jewelry making and no blogging. 

I do have to say my child is doing well.  He is learning his letters and so many new words everyday.  We do artsy stuff and he is getting really good at doing dishes.  I have been making more healthy homemade meals so that is a plus too (I can't be all negative).

But at the end of the day this mom feels like nothing is getting done and certainly not anything for herself.  I know I am not alone.  We as moms or caregivers think we can do it all and do it perfectly. So not true my friends.  I am writing this right now as my kid watches Sesame Street and I ignore him (well just his constant requests for me to sit on the floor - yeah cuz my butt wants to do that all day).  I just felt like I needed this right now and I'm not even sure I am making sense.

But after a morning that involved waking up with a migraine hangover, a super grumpy kid that misses his daddy who was on spring break all last week, and a dog puking on the rug and kid stepping in it; I needed something for me.  Yes, the spa would have been better but previously mentioned money and kid are preventing that from happening anytime soon. 

So moms or caregivers out there with a dirty house, a book you have only gotten to read the first 3 pages of, and pile of mail higher than  your mattress you miss so dearly; you are not alone.  It is hard to do it all.  If no one else tell you that I will.  And you know what else it is okay not to be - perfect.  It is okay to let some things go.  Because all of that pressure will just wear you out and don't those we care for do that already?  Burn out is real whether you are a mom, dad, wife caring for your husband with dementia, or dad caring for your adult disabled child.  I say it isn't just raising a child that takes a village, it caring for one another that takes a village.  So if you have a loved one that you know is struggling with caregiving give them a break.  Everyone benefits.  Someday it could be you on the other end.

If you or someone you know needs assistance with caring for an older adult or someone with disabilities please check out the links below.  This is something very near and dear to my heart!

Alzheimer's Association
Linking Disclaimer:
The Alzheimer’s Association is not responsible for information or advice provided by others, including information on websites that link to Association sites and on third party sites to which the Association links. Please direct any questions to weblink@alz.org.

National Association of Area Agencies on Aging
Each state has different areas of funding and resources to help older adults, people with disabilities, and their caregivers find the best means of keeping people in a safe environment.  Please check out this site to see what your state offers.

As for moms well there are about a million blogs, Facebook groups, and many other places to get support!  But if you need a place to start let me know maybe we can get you connected!


Today, choose love.
Kristin

It wasn't me - it was one of the other Tired Mom Personalities!

So just to make sure we are all clear that I am no kinda perfect mom, today I will be sharing some of the madness that has been taking place.  Just an FYI there will be some personal information about me that may be disturbing to some readers.  Judge me all you want.  I don't care.  I prefer to live my life in a very honest and open manner.  This means I like to share - a lot, pretty much what most people think is too much.  But you know what?  I have always found that it relates to someone.  I have gotten more thank yous for things I have had the balls to say (yep I wrote balls - it happens to be my go to word and I say it doesn't have to be a dirty word - it might just be balls!). Alright enough on with my crazy show.
So my kid has been on a sleep protest for what seems like forever.  Naps are less than an hour, wakes up every night for at least a half an hour, whatnot.  I cannot remember the last night I got a decent night's sleep.  Oh wait, yes I do.  It was November 10, 2012 11pm- 10am Las Vegas, NV. That's right.  I went to Vegas and I got sleep!  Anyway, the lack of sleep gets to you and sometimes you get well I would like to say a little bit of multiple personalities. So lets visit some of mine shall we?

1. Meanie Mom - oh she's as mad as hell and she's not gonna take it anymore (movie reference - if you know it shout it out!)!!!!!  You better either help her out NOW or get the $%#@ outta her way.  This mom has been known to yell at others (including her sweet child), throw things (if I step on that car, dog toy, pile of newspapers, etc one more time, it is getting chucked straight at someone's shins - mom's don't hit heads -causes too much potential work later), and probably more stuff I have blocked out in anger.
2. Bargaining Mom - I will just let him sleep in my bed just this once (for the 5th night in a row) so we can all get some sleep - all the while getting kicked in the head and sucker punched in the back, why yes you may play with my tampons so I can pluck my chin hair (okay if any men are reading this - and quite frankly I hope some are. I have plenty of goodness to share with you too, I hope this and many other facts about ladies does not shock you too much), lunch in your highchair in the bathroom so I can take a shower and cry in a little bit of peace - yep done it, and the ever popular - cookies for a meal just so you eat something - you bet (I believe it was the great Billy Cosby who said something about chocolate cake being okay for breakfast because it has eggs and milk in it- ha good stuff!).
3. Pretty much comatose Mom - this mom has zoned out so she has no idea that you have managed to get the remote and somehow locked up the TV (NOOOO!  Now how will I keep you occupied while sitting here barely holding it together?), put stuff in the dryer only to find later that there was still a large piece of broccoli wedged in somewhere that made it thru but strangely looks like it shrunk (who knew the dryer could even shrink food!), or stares at her child playing with something for several moments only to realize that what they are playing with happens to be a 50 Cent CD (no, not the price for those of you know do not know who that is) and is trying to see if it bends - go ahead kid - not like I can ever let you know that I listen to gangsta rap with explicit (man is that a hard word to spell -especially with little sleep) lyrics but for everyone else - yes, yes I do - when that kid is not around this mama needs some inappropriateness loud and proud!
4. Just plain at her wits end Mom - this is the sitting in the corner rocking and sobbing mom, the mom that is pretty sure she has ruined this sweet child that God blessed her with, has let the exhaustion take over and the thoughts that she is doing everything wrong (you should never have let him sleep in your bed, you shouldn't rock him to sleep, you aren't doing it right - other moms just let them work it out themselves - I am not judging how anyone else gets their kids to sleep either - we all find what works for us and our individual kids), and you can't sleep when sleep is an actual option because you are too worried about - work, bills, your health, the housework, exercise, the dog, what other people think, and maybe a little about some of the things you would like to do for yourself.  This mom is just holding it together as long as she can.  

Today I am a little bit of all four plus probably more. I set my alarm for 6:30am so maybe today I could shower in peace, exercise, or get some work done before I am in 100% Mommymode, but this kid woke up at 6:28am. I cried in the shower as my son ate his lunch and threw food on the bathroom floor.  I let him happily run off with my tampons.  I stood in the bathroom not moving, not really sure what to do next and not sure where he was or what he was doing.  I should be napping, working, or paying bills right now but instead I am writing this post. 

I know you are saying, "Hey nut job, why aren't you doing one of those "more important things"?  You don't get anything for doing this."  At least that is what I have inferred from some comments I have gotten.  But the truth is, this is making me feel better.  All that stuff will be there when I am done but some of my feelings I have now been able to let go of.  See this stay at home, work from home, crafter, perfectionist mom; whom seems to be very outgoing; has actually become a little introverted.  Becoming a mom somehow made me think I needed to do it all and do it all more or less alone.  Now let me say I am by no means alone.  I have a wonderful husband, family, and friends but I have that uncanny knack for...well I'm not even sure how to describe it but if you are anything like me, you just know what I am talking about.

So now that I have gotten that out I suppose I shall (no one says shall much anymore - oh another tired mom personality - lack of focus - only half of the dishe...oh an M&M on the floor...oh crap don't put that on the dog - she doesn't like that!) go do something more important!  But hey if you see any of those moms today help them out or give them a hug!  They were probably your mom at one time or maybe you someday!  And oh, let's not forget the dads and other caregivers - they have those days and personalities too!


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(this will happen again right?)

I never knew how pretty my bathroom ceiling was (or thoughts while crying on the floor)

This is what I thought of as I laid on the floor of my bathroom crying my eyes out and glancing up at the ceiling. I had to laugh. How did I get here? Literally, I lay down to cry after another night of not being able to get my son to go to sleep in his own bed. Figuratively, well that's what I wanted to know. How did I become the mom who cannot get her child to self soothe? Why can't I just put him into his bed, and he go to sleep? Why am I a terrible mother? That is where this ends up.
That is where so many issues with motherhood end up with me. Do I truly believe I am a terrible mother? Sometimes. Like when I yelled at him this evening to just go to sleep. I let my frustration get the better of me. But then I think of all the good things I am doing for him. Healthy foods, teaching him to count his fingers, and more hugs and kisses than Hersey's can produce!
I know that this too shall pass. But in a world of Pinterest, Facebook, and blogs we all see and read these portrayals of perfection and when we hold the mirror up to ourselves we see those "epic fails'. Now I do not write this for a pity party. Any mom who is being honest will tell you they have had these days. I should say any parent or caregiver who cares has these days.
When I worked with people with dementia I knew they were not acting out because they chose to. They acted out because the disease took their ability to choose to act the way they would have wanted to. I have so much patience for them. I have to remind myself a child is no different. They do not really choose to act out. They act in the only ways they know how. If they do not have the tools to express what they want, what are they supposed to do?
So I guess I am saying to be kind. Be kind to the older woman who is asking you for the 10th time where her baby is. Be kind to the child who cries when you do not do what they want. But also be kind to yourself. Care giving is hard whether it be for a 1 year old or a 101 year old.
So what do I do next? I take a deep breath, a bite a chocolate, and remember he won't always feel or act his way; and get back in there! Parenting ain't no place for wimps!

Oh and a late Merry Christmas to all of you and your's!