I actually wrote this as a post on Facebook but as the innocent souls are laid to rest, I felt it poignant to share here, because I am not the only one who feels this way. And that is okay. No one can ever tell us how to grieve or how to find a way to go on.
As people have tried to engage me in a discussion about the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, CT, I have had to ask them to stop or I walk away. I cannot talk about it. I cannot think about it. It isn't because I do not care. It isn't because I want to pretend it didn't happen.
I will not talk about it because once I start to let it all sink in and really think about it... I am afraid. See as many of you know my husband is a teacher and my father is a teacher. So many of my family and friends are teachers on many different levels. I cannot bear to think about how those teachers felt and will continue to deal with this. I cannot stand to think about the families they left behind. As I was reading the early information about the shooting I got a text message from one of our news channels and all that I saw there was an evacuation of North Side High School where my Dad is a teacher. I fell apart right then. Lucky it was just a small fire, but the what if's are too much.
I cannot even get into how the children and families have been affected. I am choosing not to. My little boy, only 1 1/2, will someday go to school. That is a fact. He will not always be right by my side. Another fact. Though I would give my life to protect him every moment of everyday, I will not always be able to. A fact that I already struggle with everyday.
So I choose not to think about this, or discuss it at this time. You can think I am heartless. But my heart needs to be filled with hope. Hope for my child. Hope for my family. Hope for those people. Hope for all people.
What a season to feel such sorrow. I do pray, as hard, and as much as I can for peace for all touched by this and for all people.
May Peace, Hope, and God's Love find us all.
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