He said what to a 13 year old girl?

     How did my first week of loving my body go?  I have to say there was something very freeing about putting myself out there and letting everyone know my challenges with my personal body image.  I received so many wonderful comments.  It really made it easier to be kind to myself.  Anytime I began to get into old patterns of though, "You look like a stuffed sausage in that!" I would snap right back to, "hey, you just told a bunch of people you aren't gonna do that anymore!"  So I would change my thinking.  In fact I wore a shirt I had been refusing to wear because I was sure it made me look lumpy.  But guess what, I got so many compliments even from my almost 3 year old!
     Well lets just jump right into a big one!  Overall body image.  This one goes a ways back. I would say it was probably around the time I changed dance companies.  Up until the age of 11 I had been with one that really focused more on the costumes and less on the dance to put it nicely.  But when I changed to a very formal ballet studio it changed a lot of my thinking.
     Right away I noticed a huge difference.  Everyone looked about the same.  Stick thin, super slicked hair in a bun, black leotard, pink tights, and pink ballet slippers.  No place for individuality and certainly no place for curves.  The more and more serious I got about dance, especially ballet, the more I tried to conform.  I saw other dancers eating nothing but carrots and celery, so I ate nothing but carrots and celery.  Oh the company dancers are only eating baby food, I am gonna do that too.  So you can image how a young girl of 13 would take a comment from one of the very respected instructors.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  He said, "You will never make it with those boobs.  You need to lose weight."
     I wanted to make it.  I wanted to dance.  I loved how I felt when I danced.  But at that point I felt nothing but fat.  So I went down the path many dancers do.  Self loathing and self destruction.  I danced pretty much daily from the age of 13 and I was sure that was not enough so I would go home and practice and do hundreds of push ups, sit ups, and anything else I could think of that might help me lose weight.  When that didn't seem to help I began to seriously limit my intake.  Okay to be to the point, I would now characterize myself as anorexic.  I lied to everyone saying I had already eaten or wasn't feeling well.  I would take super small portions and throw half of it away.  I honestly was proud when I was 5'4" and 99lbs.

High school dance years, Junior year
 I believe and about 105lbs.

     Did I really look good?  Umm, no.  I know that now.  I looked sick and I felt sick.  I hate thinking of the damage I did to my body because someone told me I was too big, fat, or not skinny enough.

Senior Prom I was probably
about 115 lbs here

       At the end of the day the saying is really only sort of true.  "The way you talk to your children becomes their inner voice."   My parents did a great job of building us up and making our inner voices strong.  Until someone else takes over.  So maybe we also need to be more aware of the voices of those in our children's lives.  Teachers, coaches, peers, and so many others do play a part in a child's inner voice.
 


 I wish I could say leaving that ballet company changed everything but it didn't.  I was stuck in that mind set until sometime in college.  I tried to keep that Freshman 15 away but it got me.  And guess what?  I actually felt better.  I had curves and lets be honest it got me some attention too.  So that should be the end right?  No way I am a woman and I do see the media.
   
    I did pretty well in college until depression got a hold of me.  I was really in a place where I preferred to eat and be a little heavy so maybe no one would notice me.
    Counseling and medication helped me a lot.  But I have still been up and down with my weight over the last 10 years.  I love food.  Sometimes I love it too much.  Sometimes I forget to eat all together because everyone need something and like many moms, I put me last.  And exercise, well housework and chasing kids counts right?

Me at my healthiest and happiest!  On my Honeymoon, 137 lbs.
 Yes, some would say that is too much.  Not me, I liked me a lot at this point. 

I am 170 lbs of post baby-post c-section me.
And yes, if you look closely I am wearing maternity leggings.
I can't help it I love them and if you fold over the
maternity part - well then they are just yoga style leggings

     What am I saying to myself now?  "This body danced and can still dance for the pure joy of it!"  "This body has been though 8 surgeries and broken bones and is still strong!"  "This body told science to shut it and created and carried 2 amazing little boys!"  "This body has cared for and about more people than I can count!"

Yep, I am considering this brave!
That is me now.  I'm sorry it isn't better quality
 but who wants to waste time on the befores right?

   


 Is that it then?  I will just love me as I am and go about my business?  No way man!  We all have to strive to take the best care of ourselves!  So does that mean I am going on a diet and going to exercise every day?  Uh no, and you know why?  Going into self care in an all or nothing fashion does not work for most people.  No, I am going back to something I did with my family a while back.
    I called it the Family Health Challenge but we will just call it the Healthy Life Challenge.  Each week we take on something new.  A new lifestyle change.  By taking things one change at a time it really can become a habit.  Like the saying goes, "How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time!"
 
     So I hope you will join me.  It doesn't matter if you are in the best shape of your life.  This is going to encompass many different kinds of health and wellness.  I took my starting picture and you might want to too!  I will also be taking my measurements and weight, through my energy and how my clothes fit is really how I plan to gauge things.
     I also think incentives do a lot to motivate me.  I will make some suggestions but feel free to pick your own, but don't use food, even healthy food, very often as food as a reward can be a slippery slope.
 

     Lets do this!  Consider this week 1 and for week 1 the challenge is to get moving!  Exercise of any sort 2 days this week for at least 30 minutes.  Ideas for incentive: a new pair of socks, a jump rope from the Dollar Store (for all my penny pinchers out there), or an insulated cup for all the water you will drink!.  I am going for the socks!  I love me some new cushy socks!

Good luck and please feel free to comment or ask questions.

Today choose love,
Kristin

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Can a Mama Get a Minute?

There are things in life you have to be able to do no matter what.  Then there are just times you need a Mama Minute - which might just equal enough time to stuff a whole Twinkie (that you have stowed away just for you and only you) in your mouth fast enough so that the kids or significant other do not see it and want some!  Here are a few ways to buy yourself a few that yes indeed I have used them and I am not ashamed! Sanity is priceless!

Lunch/shower! I LOVE to get my kiddo in his highchair in our tiny bathroom and give him his lunch and jump in the shower and actually get a full shower.  We put on some music and I sing out in the shower and he enjoys his lunch.  There might be some mess to clean up but you know what that is why I chose washable paint and easy to clean flooring!  Today he was even content enough that I got to pluck my eyebrows! That hadn't happened in a week! I know what you are thinking, "How is that getting time to yourself?"  Well since this kid seems to have some sort of radar that detects when I am going to shower and that is the exact time when he wakes up from a nap - how does he do that - I have to find a way.  I tried waking up before he does and everytime he wakes up while I am in the shower!  I tried showering at night but dang it, I need a daytime shower to feel human! So thus the Lunch (or breakfast in come occasions)/shower was born!

Yes, that is a banana on the toilet!

Let's face it, when you have small children you never get to go to the bathroom on your own.  So in order to get through a bathroom break without too much of an issue I have a basket of his bath toys he can play with anytime.  In fact I have read that kid a book when my intestinal tract was not feeling so kind!  He thought it was great fun to read in the bathroom.  Bonus - your kid gets that much more comfortable with what happens in the bathroom.  My crazy 18 month old now loves to sit on his potty when Mommy goes potty.  Oh the bonding!

 

I have at least a couple of "toys" in every single room of my house.  This way no matter where I am I can distract him with something.  In the kitchen he has kitchen stuff.  He likes to cook while I cook.  He will stir in his pots or pour with his milk jug.  Toys don't always have to be real toys.  In my bedroom he loves to play with the latches on an old trunk.  He can be distracted for several minutes by an unattended open drawer of clothes.  Yes, I then have to refold and put them away but you know what sometimes I need to just sit down.  The good news is that as kid age they seem to think helping is fun too so you might just get help putting it back away.

 

That item they want to play with but you never let them, yet you know it won't hurt them - do it.  I let my kid have our house phone, remote, rearrange the spice rack, etc.  He loves it.  I am paying attention but he thinks he is getting away with murder.  The funny thing is that they are actually learning while they do it.  He now knows how to turn on the TV.  He knows which button on the phone makes the ringer go off.  He will line the spices up in various patterns.  So it is kinda a win-win.

 Busted but its cool!

Put a toy away - take a new or old hidden toy out.  I love this so much.  First, it keeps my house from looking like I hoard kid's stuff.  Second, he acts like it is the best toy ever for at least 10 minutes!  I have noticed when I put away a toy he has played with for quite awhile and then bring it back out, he will play with it in new ways.  They learn so much so fast that everything changes and evolves for them.  For example, my son had a tool bench that he would only do a few of the musical things when he had it from 6 month to 12 months but when I got it back out at 15 months he was able to use the hammer with it and actually "pound" the nails down.  How cool is that!  He played with that sucker for about 45 minutes and I was able to clean the kitchen in peace!

Okay, I do not only use tricks for my kid.  Oh sweet husband of mine please do not use these against me!

Let's just say it here and now - men take serious bathroom time too.  How many women read in the bathroom? Well I wanna read too! So on occasion I may have some "faux" stomach issues - this is how a read a magazine once in a while.  I realized that I could just stash a magazine in there and sit on the bathroom rug for a few.  Sweet peace - oh I could light a candle too - "don't go in there for a few!" HA!

I may or may not hide sweets around the house.  I might value chocolate more than diamonds so I gotta keep some safe for Mom when times get rough.  Super mom to mom tip - no one wants to look in boxes of feminine products.

I have set up the majority of my house so that I can let my kid be free range. Now does that mean that he won't make a mega mess that I have to clean up or maybe get hurt? Nope. It means I have some freedom and so does he. He is free to explore but he keeps an eye on me too. This does mean that I have had to put away some of my pretty things but those are just that - things. Not having to worry about stuff getting broken or child proofing every little thing has allow both of us to be a little more free.  Besides dance parties can break out anywhere and we don't want to be worried about breakables!

When you are parenting you have to be creative and flexible. TV can only and should only do so much!

Brighteners

There are just those days. Days when you are pretty sure a gloomy rain cloud is following you around a la Eeyore. Ya gotta get outta that funk and fast!

One day when I was in a particularly dumpy day, I had an idea to write a list of things that make me feel better. I call them Brighteners. They just brighten your day. They can be whatever makes you smile, laugh, or feel better. Some people like a little retail therapy - some not so much - I'm a penny pincher so I will not be seen at the Coach store anytime soon. For others it is volunteering. Even just the thought of helping others less fortunate can make you feel better.

So what is on my list? Well these are some of the things I came up with. I am sure there are many more and some may not even make sense to anyone but me, but hey that's why it’s my list!!!

·      Making lists - yes I am that person - judge all you want - it soothes me!

·      Organizing - chucking stuff, putting stuff away - it clears my mind - ahh so Zen.

·      Pinterest - okay this is more an addiction but it's like dreaming with virtual Post-its. 

·      Crafts - creating something feels so good! All the better if it is recycled from stuff lying around!

Shameless plug for my company - Musing Tree Creations

·      Exercise - yeah I hate to exercise but I love to dance, take a walk, and play with my dog and kiddo - it all counts!

·      Dive into another obsession - Dave Matthews Band. So this might mean some light Internet stalking, listening to their music, watching their concerts, anything DMB works for me!!!

·      Pampering - okay I cannot afford the spa (see penny pincher note above) so I like to do mini home spa stuff. A foot scrub, a microdermabrasion at home - you can get those handheld dealies and a little of my fav. face scrub St. Ives Apricot Scrub - works wonders and so much cheaper than the real deal! In essence, whatever makes you feel fabulous and pampered. I like to think of the episode of The Middle when Frankie put the pad over her eyes like an eye mask, lit a candle, and relaxed in the car dealership bathroom!

·      Give! - give your money, time, stuff you want to pass on, a hug, a nice note, whatever makes your soul smile! This can be a whole other list in and of itself. - Ohhh perhaps a post for another day!

·       Dog time - Oh my sweet Gracie. Just cuddling with her on the couch makes me so much happier. She doesn't judge me - even when I am eating my 8th cookie of the day. She doesn't demand things of me other than a little food and love. Done and done my friend!  And since my son was born we don't always get the time we need. This has resulted in her trying to chew her toe off, and me making her wear the sock of shame but it is all in love! Time, just her and me - so precious! 

·      Cuddles with my sweet Coen - cuddles with a wiggly 1 1/2 year old are somewhat fleeting. You gotta soak them in when you can and if that doesn’t make me feel good - time to check my pulse!

·      Reading - if you have kids you know this is a luxury! At this point I am excited if I get through a page in a magazine. A chapter in a book would be bliss!

·      Nap - what more do I need to say people?

·      Sing - I love to crank up the music and sing at the top of my lungs like I am The Next Top American Voice Idol! Am I any good? Eh. I can sing but I am not winning any awards. I like to think I can sing Christmas music and Country songs pretty good but that might just be in my head. I have not yet been booed by my son or the dog so... yeah I am pretty good!

·      Date night with my husband! - yeah it doesn't happen often enough but even looking forward to it just does something to make me turn my mood around!

I could probably go on but that is more than enough! I hope you have been inspired to write your own list. Post it somewhere you will look at it often and put a little bit more of those things in your day! It could spread - hopefully like Nutella and not like a fungus! I encourage you to share your brighteners with me!!!!